how to get over a breakup in 7 easy steps.

12 Jan

1. you have ONE day to mope. that doesn’t mean that after that one day you can’t be sad about it–it’s going to hurt for awhile. what that does mean is you have ONE day to be unapologetically, woefully, ice cream eatingly, mope-tastic. You have one day to curl up in your most comfy clothes and sob while watching cheesy love stories or my favorite: especially heinous crimes brought to you by Dick Wolfe and the cast of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. After that, it’s chin up, and move forward.

Image2. clean out your social media and cut ties. this one makes most sense if you know this relationship is completely dunzo and especially if you don’t see further communication happening. this is especially important if you’re not the initiator because you will certainly be tempted to reach out in some desperate plea for a change of heart or you’ll become consumed by urges to Facebook stalk. do yourself a favor and delete their number or change to something that reminds you of the real state of the relationship now.

3. get in touch with reality. it is VERY easy when wiping the sweat of a breakup off your brow to craft some unrealistic notion of the perfection of the relationship in hindsight. contrary to what you may tell yourself now–the relationship was not perfect. perfect, well functioning relationships don’t end. you can go through hundreds of scenarios about what could have saved it but the fact is, everything happens for a reason and here you are so there’s not sense in pretending he/she was the absolute love of your life.

4. love thyself first. this doesn’t mean refusing to reflect on the role you may have played in the demise of a relationship but it is important to love your imperfect self through this time. no one has the answers, including you, so embracing your humanity and its complexity during this time is especially important.

5. surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally. but don’t let it turn into a pity-fest or a bash-fest. yes this relationship ended but that doesn’t mean that you or the other person is unworthy of love, it just means that you two aren’t meant to be coupled for whatever reason. and that’s okay. so assuage your bffs urge to bash your ex-love because they were good enough for you before and diminishing their character now is counter-productive to letting go. so grab your besties and go get some sun, or coffee, or shop a little. remind yourself that life goes on.

6. pamper yourself. this is different than your one mope day. this is doing something genuinely good for your wellbeing in hopes of making it a habit. you can fill the space of love and attention you received from your ex-love it just takes practice. so draw up a hot bath, toss some essential oils in there, blend up a green smoothie, go see that movie they never wanted to see. do you.

7. give yourself space to experience the full spectrum of human emotion. some days you will be elated that you don’t have to manage someone else’s baggage other days you will feel crushingly lonely or long for touch…some days you will feel nothing. and some days you will be so overwhelmed with all of life’s other responsibilities that the relationship will seem but a distant memory. forgive yourself if you cry, laugh, or forget you even loved them at all. all feelings are completely and entirely yours to have and are totally justified in every single instance. so take a deep breath and face the world again having hopefully learned more about yourself and others in the process.

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